~reaching limits~

For almost all of my life there has been very little that I look forward to everyday. And whenever there is some1 or something that brings me this pleasure I often shove it aside because I know that dependency kills us all in the end. It is my understanding that one must never be attached to something to the point that the loss of it may cause some form of pain to that person

I only wish this were true. In all life I see interdependency in everything. And I believe that in our time on earth we can adjust ourselves accordingly, to love and to be loved. Nothing brings pleasure more than two souls sharing a bond that goes beyond what the eyes can see. Alas I dare not do such a thing, for the pain of such a loss would ultimately send me down a road I'm not willing to traverse once more.

Given that this revelation has reached me I then ask myself constantly, What would become of me should I not love? I would basically die from the inside out, decay slowly and then to the point of agony, I would be in so much pain. Is there then meaning to this life? I do not know. All I know is that the day will come when I will love...and I know that it is far off, but even a wretch like me can be saved. Perhaps I will find peace and love in this life.....if only I believe it to be so.

Dhillonz