~tears of agony~

Nothing has changed,

Though the wind blows steadily across the plains I still feel a sense of remorse. Something has been ripped straight from the depths of my heart. Though everything is still as it was before, I cannot help feel that some small part of me has changed.

For even when there were tears, there was love, and so we soldier on in hopes that everything will be as bright as it was before, akin to a summers day. Alas it is only wishful thinking. Such poetic love stories exist only in our minds.

Forgive me my heart, but I cannot allow this to continue. We cannot choose who we love, yet we can choose to suppress it. My only wish is that this feeling leaves me, for I myself am dying from the inside. Such is the joy of love....

~the road not taken~

From my experiences in life thus far I have concluded that one can never be satisfied with something for very long. In the end everything that we've worked for, be it results, money or even that special someone, will never be enough to satisfy our need for something more. More often than not we always find ourselves, wandering around in circles continuously thinking of how things could be better for us. Today we start of as individuals with nothing, tomorrow we have a degree, the next a masters, and then a PhD. Or if we start with $10,000 in our bank, we want to see that grow. Money is infinite, so our limits and our desires are endless.

This is most disturbing as humanity does not even realize that it is trapped inside this circle of death. This cycle is so apparent in almost everyone I meet, where today's treasured items are tomorrows latest addition to the junk pile. Will we ever be content?

We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.

The words of Frederick Keonig, a German inventor. I think this is absolutely true. If we stop wishing for something we don't have a start enjoying what we do, perhaps this world could be a much better place.

~questions on life~

Today some1 asked me a very interesting question. Why don't I have a girlfriend? Well I really don't know how to answer that. How can one explain something that has an endless list of reasons but of which none of those reasons make sense?

*ponders*

Haven't you ever wondered how the hell do people stay together for so long and also how did they get together? It disgusts me to see people in love. There I said it, because I know deep down I'm incapable of it. Whether it be in terms of showing affection or even if it is expressing my love towards some1, I really couldn't give a crap. It is this kinda thinking that has diverted mankind from its true purpose in life. We become so fixated with the fact that we need to be in love that we find ourselves running around desperately trying to find it. For God's sake if only we slowed down to think whether the love that we feel is really there, then perhaps we'd have much lower divorce rates worldwide.

But I'm often asked, don't you feel lonely? Of course I do, but millions of people never marry or even never get into a relationship. And they've been rather successful. So why not? I am lonely, but my thoughts keep me company. At least I'm assured that my thoughts will always be there when I need them, will not fall for a hotter guy, won't sleep with my best friend and neither will they die off. So there, this is why I don't have a girlfriend. Because I really cant be bothered to give a damn.

~a tough life~

As emotions run through my head at such a fast pace I often wonder to myself where do we lie in the big picture that is the universe? Has it not been humanity's quest to reach for the stars, to see heights that we've never seen before and to go where no man has ever gone before? I'm starting to think otherwise. Perhaps it is my own ideals coming into play but it is a personal belief of mine that one day we will eventually meet our match. A limit to our human nature that will see us stopped in our tracks, causing us to be stagnant in our growth.

It is truly an act of God that we have limits placed on us. I realize that I have not fully tested my limits thus far, but I have tried to push myself towards them. Still I often am met with failure and left with an empty feeling which just screams "WHY ME!?" But is it our limitations that stop us from going beyond what we can actually do? I believe they are just illusions placed upon us by external forces so that we may be prevented from achieving what we can achieve. Placed upon us by those individuals who want to see us fail at something we hate doing rather than to succeed at something that we love doing.

It is a disgusting human nature. The food chain and what not. Honestly there will be a time when your limits will be tested, the question is whether to ignore the illusions or to stay clear from them?

~by-election Hulu Selangor~

Now its time to return to my favorite topic, politics =)

For most of the time in the run-up to the Hulu Selangor by-election, there has been chaos, as well as a lot of interesting moments that have caught the eyes of many. Still, I have this strange feeling that the results tomorrow will surprise us. A lot of analysts have come up with a lot of possible theories and outcomes for tomorrow's by-election. But in all cases, most of them agree that this by-election will be either the turning point for the BN or the moment of glory for the PR.

In any case, I believe the future of our nation, to a certain extent, will be decided tomorrow. I know I'm not a PhD holder in political science nor am I a true-blue analyst about politics, but I think a lot about it and this is just my 2 cents worth.

My prediction is that the BN will win, but only by a small majority. Somewhere in the region of 500 - 1000 votes. I've discussed it with a few people and most of them truly believe that Malaysians still want to see the BN leading our federal government. It is just that the BN has to change. This by-election has proven that they are on the right path. The BN has shown, in my opinion, a determination to win that I have not noticed since the time former PM Tun Abdullah Ahmad Badawi first came to power. Furthermore, I feel that with UMNO and the MIC campaigning effectively, most of the Indian votes and Malay votes will be bagged by Mr. Kamalanathan. The MCA, who has been actively working up Chinese support, may just need to bag around 40% to secure a BN victory.

Whether you like it or not, I feel that PKR did not do themselves any favors by picking Zaid Ibrahim to stand in this rural constituency. He is more suited to perhaps a sub-urban or urban community but in all fairness I believe DSAI always knows what he's doing.

For a neutral like me, I honestly am excited. In any case, tomorrow will pave the road to better governance. Both parties are willing to offer so much to the people, its just time for the rakyat to decide.

~reaching limits~

For almost all of my life there has been very little that I look forward to everyday. And whenever there is some1 or something that brings me this pleasure I often shove it aside because I know that dependency kills us all in the end. It is my understanding that one must never be attached to something to the point that the loss of it may cause some form of pain to that person

I only wish this were true. In all life I see interdependency in everything. And I believe that in our time on earth we can adjust ourselves accordingly, to love and to be loved. Nothing brings pleasure more than two souls sharing a bond that goes beyond what the eyes can see. Alas I dare not do such a thing, for the pain of such a loss would ultimately send me down a road I'm not willing to traverse once more.

Given that this revelation has reached me I then ask myself constantly, What would become of me should I not love? I would basically die from the inside out, decay slowly and then to the point of agony, I would be in so much pain. Is there then meaning to this life? I do not know. All I know is that the day will come when I will love...and I know that it is far off, but even a wretch like me can be saved. Perhaps I will find peace and love in this life.....if only I believe it to be so.

Dhillonz

~i will not bow~

There comes a point in every person's life where you realize that enough is enough. I've had it. I'm sick of being mediocre and sick of being stuck in this useless cycle of "nothingness". Today marked the first day of my new semester. Our business stats lecturer, Mr. Derek shocked us all today by giving us basically a 2 hour 'life lesson'.

It was really intriguing because I found myself questioning myself all the way. He stated a very interesting point, "Go back today, look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself to stop lying to yourself". I don't know but it really struck a chord with me. I mean I've always thought that I was okay, that I would be able to get by just as I am. I mean, in essence I haven't changed since form 5. So far, I've been getting by but just barely.

Well, after today and much soul searching over the short break I sorta realize that life isn't made easy. Everyone in history had to fight for their place in this world. Rome wasn't built in a day, but everyone remembers who tried to build it. Cesar, Cladius, Titus to name a few. Many remember the builders of Rome, and of course Rome itself. I have to build my own Rome, its gonna take tons of time and a lot of effort. But hopefully, I'll be remembered in the future, like the builders of Rome...I want my name embedded in STONE.